Chris Parnell: We're sitting here today with film star Natalie Portman.nNatalie Portman: Hello.nParnell: So, Natalie, what's the day in life of Natalie Portman like?nPortman: Do you really want to know?nParnell: Please, tell us.nnI don't sleep mother f***ernoff that yak and that bourbonndoin' 120 gettin high while I'm swervinnnSeth Meyers: D**n natalie you a crazy chicknnYo shut the f*** up and suck my d**knI'm bustin dudes mouths like gushers mother f***ernroll up on NBC and smack the s**t out Jeff ZuckernnGuys: What you want NatalienPortman: to drink and fight!nGuys: what you need NatalienGuys: to f*** all night!nnDon't test me when i'm crazy off that airplane gluenput my foot down your throatntill you s**t in my shoenleave you screamingnpay for my dry cleaningnf*** you mannIt's my name that he's screamin'nnParnell: I'm sorry Natalie, but are we to believe you condone driving while intoxicated?nPortman: I never said I was a role model.nParnell: What about the kids who look up to you? Do you have a message for them?nnAll the kids lookin up to me can suck my d**knIt's portman mother f***erndrink till i'm sicknslit your throatnand poor nitrous down the holenwatch you laugh and crynwhile I laugh you dienand all the Jewsnyou know I'm talkin to younnGuys: we love you nataliennI wanna f*** you too!nP is for portmannP is for p***yni'll kill your f**in dog for fun so don't push mennParnell: Well, Natalie I'm surprised. All this from a Harvard graduate.nPortman: Well there's a lot you may not know about me.nParnell: Really? Such as?nnWhen I was in harvardnI smoked weed every daynI cheated every testnand snorted all the yaynI gotta def possenand you gotta buncha dudesnI sit down on your face and take a s**tnnAndy Samberg: Natalie you are a bad @$$ b***h (h**l yah)nand I always pay for your dry cleaninnwhen my s**t gets in your shoenas for the drug usenwell I can vouch for thatnmy d**k is scared of youngirlnnParnell: Okie-doke. Natalie, one final question,nif you could steal a smooch from any guy in Hollywood, who would it--nn(Portman breaks chair over Parnell's head)nPortman: No more questionsnnWhat!