Every time we think about same-sex marriagenIt makes us sick to our gutsnI mean, two people who want to commit to a stablenMonogamous life-long relationshipnWhat are they, nuts?nIt's unnatural!nNow a man should not lie with a person who is a guynHe should only lie to his wife, the bible is clearnWe're —nDefenders of marriagenIn three-button suitsnWe'll raise our double standard and see who salutesnDefenders of marriagenDefending the institution against people who want to get married nnEvery time we think about same-sex parentsnOh, my gosh! we exclaimnI mean, two people who want to provide a protectivenAnd nurturing family environmentnHave they no shame?nIt's so deviant!nIt's the Lord's holy word, as my second wife said to my thirdnThat a family's based on obligation and fearnWe're —nDefenders of marriagenConnubial narcsnEver vigilant and patriotic patriarchsnDefenders of marriagenDefending the institution against people who want to get married nnOne summer evening when my woman was doing laundrynI shared a six-pack with an old John BirchernAnd oh so wisely he imparted an ancient quandary, to pondernHe said, It's nature versus legislature.n[Spoken] Are people born gay, or do they turn gay just to piss off Dick Armey? nnWe're an army of dicksnWith a militant stancenLet's get the government out of our lives and into our pantsnDefenders of marriagenDefending the institution against people who want to get marriednAnd have their insurance carriednAnd be beneficiary'dnAnd be next to the ones they love when they are buried