Letter To The Penthouse Forum
John Prine

Dear penthouse,

I never did believe anything I ever read in your magazine until just the other night.


When something happen to me that was so strange that I felt compelled to share it with your readers.


I'm a student at state-you.


Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. It was one year ago tonight that my room mate stupendous dork and I were sittin' around the dorm poppin' a few frosty's and burning some rope, and boning up for the speech therapy midterm exam the next day, by reading back issues of your magazine out loud to each other.


I looked at stu and he looked at me and we both knew neither of us was going to get a real good grade on that exam anyway. We hopped out of the dorm and went across the street to herbie's tumble inn.


Right across from the dorm there, we came through the swinging doors and I couldn't believe my eyes, there they were, sitting at the bar, these two luscious babes, and they were siamese twins


I looked at stu and he looked at me and we looked at them and they looked at us and then one of the twins said won't you join us? and I just laughed and we went and sat down at the bar.


Turns out, one if the ladies was a speech therapy major and her sister said she had some rope in her purse there, and a big light bulb went off in my head and I said what the heck, why don't we all go back to the dorm?


Came out of the swingin' doors at herbie's and couldn't get across the street.


There was these 30 bikers with jackets that said harley aristocrats on the back. There was an aerobic dance class and there was the commanding officer of the campus rotc pushing a nautilus machine right down the double yellow line. I said what the heck, why don't we all go back to the dorm?


The last thing I remember is one of the twins screaming, hey general put your big heat seeking missile in my love silo!


I got my degree in spite of failing speech therapy that quarter. Last night for the first time in a year, my room mate stupendous dork went back to herbie's to toast our commencement. Came thru the swingin' doors and there they were at the bar, the same two siamese twins and I said oh no and I went and sat down a table.


The twins came over to the table and the one that was a speech therapy major looked my right in the eye and said: excuse me you probably don't remember us.


Name and address withheld by request.


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Lyrics by John Prine

  'Til a Tear Becomes a Rose   (We're Not) The Jet Set   (We're Not) The Jet Set   'til A Tear Becomes A Rose   A Good Time   A John Prine Christmas   Aimless Love   Ain't Hurtin' Nobody   Ain't Hurtin' Nobody   All Night Blue   All The Best   All the Best [Live]   All The Way With You   Angel From Montgomery   Angel from Montgomery [Live]   Automobile   Aw Heck   Baby Let's Play House   Baby Let's Play House   Baby Ruth   Back Street Affair   Bad Boy   Be My Friend Tonight   Bear Creek   Bear Creek Blues   Beautiful World   Big Fat Love   Billy The Bum   Blue Umbrella   Bruised Orange   Bruised Orange (Chain of Sorrows)   Chinatown   Christmas In Prison   Clay Pigeons   Clocks And Spoons   Come Back To Us Barbara Lewis Hare Krishna Beaureg...   Common Sense   Crazy As A Loon   Crooked Piece Of Time   Daddy's Little Pumpkin   Daddy's Little Pumpkin   Day Is Done   Dear Abby   Dear John   Dear John (I Sent Your Saddle Home)   Diamonds In The Rough   Donald And Lydia   Down By The Side Of The Road   Everybody   Everybody Wants To Feel Like You   Everything Is Cool   Falling in Love Again   Far From Me   Fish & Whistle   Fish And Whistle   Flashback Blues   Forbidden Jimmy   German Afternoons   Glory Of True Love   Grandpa Was A Carpenter   Great Compromise   Great Rain   He Forgot That It Was Sunday   He Was In Heaven Before He Died   Hello In There   How Lucky   How Much Tequila   Humidity Built The Snowman   I Had A Dream   I Hate It When That Happens To Me   I Just Wanna Dance With You   I Just Want to Dance With You   I Know One   I Love You So Much It Hurts   I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus   I Want To Be With You Always   If I Could   If She Were You   If You Don't Want My Love   If You Don't Want My Love   If You Were The Woman And I Was The Man   Illegal Smile   Illegal Smile [Live]   In A Town This Size   In Spite Of Ourselves   Iron Ore Betty   It's A Big Old Goofy World   It's a Cheating Situation   It's Happening To You   It's A Big Old Goofy World   It's A Cheating Situation   It's Happening To You   Jackie O   Jesus The Missing Years   John Prine Christmas   Just Wanna Be With You   Killing The Blues   Kokomo   Lake Marie   Late John Garfield Blues   Leave The Lights On   Let's Invite Them Over   Let's Invite Them Over   Lets Talk Dirty In Hawaiian   Linda Goes To Mars   Living In The Future   Long Monday   Loose Talk   Love Is On A Roll   Love, Love, Love   Lulu Walls   Maureen Maureen   Me, Myself, And I   Mexican Home   Middle Man   Milwaukee Here I Come   Morning Train   My Darlin' Hometown   My Darlin' Hometown   My Own Best Friend   New Train   Nine Pound Hammer   No Name Girl   Often Is A Word I Seldom Use   Oldest Baby in the World   One Red Rose   Only Love   Onomatopoeia   Other Side Of Town   Out Of Love   Paradise   People Puttin' People Down   People Puttin' People Down   Picture Show   Please Don't Bury Me   Please Don't Bury Me   Pretty Good   Quiet Man   Quit Hollerin' At Me   Quit Hollerin' At Me   Rocky Mountain Time   Sabu Visits The Twin Cities Alone   Saddle In The Rain   Safety Joe   Saigon   Sailin' Around   Sailin' Around   Sam Stone   Same Thing Happened To Me   She Is My Everything   Shop Talk   Silent Night, All Day Long   Silver Bells   Sins of Memphisto   Six O'clock News   Six O'clock News   Sleepy Eyed Boy   Slow Boat To China   So Sad (To Watch Good Love Go Bad)   Some Humans Ain't Human   Some Humans Ain't Human   Somewhere Someone's Falling In Love   Somewhere Someone's Falling In Love   Sour Grapes   Souvenirs   Space Monkey   Spanish Pipedream   Spanish Pipedream (AKA Blow Up Your TV)   Speed Of The Sound Of Loneliness   Speed of the Sound of Loneliness [Live]   Stick A Needle In My Eye   Storm Windows   Sweet Revenge   Sweet Suzanne   Take A Look At My Heart   Take The Star Out Of The Window   Taking A Walk   That Close To You   That's The Way That The World Goes 'Round   That's The Way That The World Goes 'roun...   The Accident   The Accident (Things Could Be Worse)   The Bottomless Lake   The Frying Pan   The Great Compromise   The Hobo Song   The Jet Set   The Late John Garfield Blues   The Moon Is Down   The Oldest Baby In The World   The Other Side Of Town   The Sins Of Memphisto   The Torch Singer   The Twentieth Century Is Almost Over   There She Goes   They Oughta Name a Drink After You   They'll Never Take Her Love From Me   They'll Never Take Her Love From Me   Third Of July   This Cold War With You   This Love Is Real   Ubangi Stomp   Unlonely   Unwed Fathers   Way Back Then   Way Down   We Are The Lonely   We Could   We Must Have Been Out Of Our Minds   Wedding Bells   Wedding Bells/Let's Turn Back the Years   Wedding Day In Funeralville   When Two Worlds Collide   Wonderful 99   Yes I Guess They Oughta Name A Drink After You   You Got Gold   You Mean So Much To Me   You Never Can Tell   You Never Even Call Me By My Name   Your Flag Decal Won't Get You Into Heaven Anymore   Your Flag Decal Won't Get You Into Heaven Any...

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