It was just anothe tabloid story
Boy meets girl
Girl gets legless
Boy gets lucky
Girl gets pregnant
What did you expect to happen?
Tabloid tits & tabloid bums, Tabloid lads & teenage mums
Tabloid football heroes & their girlfriends who could shop for England
Chorus
Welcome to the land of the moron
Welcome to the land of the living brain dead
Welcome to the land of the moron
It's moronland, where no-one ever wears a condom
Billy Shakespeare, who the hell's he? Did he play for Spurs or Chelsea?
Charlie Dickens? Phone a friend, He's the bassist in Oasis
Mr Kipling he makes tea cakes, Jeffrey Archer, proper culture
Proper English, what we speak, What you mean St George was Greek?
Chorus
It's moronland, where everbody loves Big Brother
At the battle of Trafalgar Frances Drake was playing midfield
When he heard his bird's expecting He said Once more up the khyber
We will fight them on the beaches Half a league & half a guiness
Arthur Mullard, on the busses That's how England won the world cup