searching for something nnwalking endlessly nnfor what seemed like days nnand if you wait for me nnill wait for you nngrasping to hold on to what i cant see nnit is coming back nnit seems that ive forgotten the way to continue on nnthis broken down road nnpush carry on nni wont pretend nnthat this is my life nnhollow words make paranoid people back down nnthis is not this is not this is not control nnnni thought that i had control nni thought i could keep control nni thought i would want control nni thought id never lose control nnnntheres no reason for this nnjust please forgive me nnnnhoping for something nnpassing time with an endless trail of smoke nnthroat burns nnchoke on cigarettes nnashes fall and scatter nnthat old familiar blue glow nnred eyes gaze nnthis is not this is not this is not control