I was 14 when I woke up
To find an ocean in my bed
I hoped my dreams were just that sexy
But I'd pissed in it instead
How anomalous of me! I thought,
and washed the sheets at dawn
But really, I wasn't that shocked
And with the dryer door then drawn,
I smelled inside and it was fresh
And so was I, because at school,
no one had asked how I had slept
I was predictably unkempt
My cracking of jokes had been revoked
by the adult kept inside
He didn't want to be held back
By my permanent urge to freeze myself at 5
It goes to show
Though I ache and I pose,
these pains are barely ever growing pains
They're usually from standing on my toes
to see our genesis
When you were just a speck
that dotted one dot on my landscape
No potential in effect
You were a set of angel's eyes
A picture and a page
A challenge then requiring me
to act above my age
I wore button downs and blacks and browns
No funny tees or WalMart jeans
I built myself a metal self
With light and iridescent sheen
I fed myself my former selves
So it would get the taste
And after months of quiet persuasion,
you inched nearer to my face
I got so very good at kissing you,
that everything I ate
tasted like salt against your sweet lips,
and I lost a little weight
But then I rusted out my metal self
And some just rusted off
'Til some pink protruded through the holes
Suppressed and soft
With that revealed, my human nature
seeped through every corner, 'til
It flooded my behavior
Though you claimed that you would love me still,
You had to seek communion
In the arms of the responsible
And not in my possessive claws
I then fell of your pedestal
And though you picked me up
Whenever you missed my cocoon
You always found yourself in tears
When I walked to the bathroom
You're now an ocean out of armspan
You tell me not to fret
Although I am no longer your man
Or your boy, better yet
I'm left a baby in the snow
A squashed tan seed
I'm a restless little hummingbird
Who eats and eats and eats
I'm Napolean who's posing
Like he's Freddie Mercury
Because music and flamboyance
Might make me less slovenly
But I hate all my heroes
For the beauty that emits from them
When the front row at my shows
Always leaves covered in spit and phlegm
I'm sick 'cause I don't sleep
I don't sleep because I'm sick
I cough and sneeze, collapse and wheeze
While my food-baby kicks
So girls, it isn't hard
to be my solar system's sun
Just play-pretend me, break and bend me
Tell me I'm your only one
But now I'll give up hope
for something someday soon
They'll sense my fear and desperation
While the vulture in them crows and croons
Externalize my love
To some satellite who might bounce back
My piddly little signal
With each and every ray intact
Someone to fall into fields with
With the bugs and snakes and chilly grass
And laugh until we weep
Until we're flipping like our hourglass
Someone who keeps me up,
but not because of fear
someone who won't just leave
If I whispered in their ear:
If you were paralyzed,
I'd condense the planet's beauty bedroom-size
If you had absent eyes,
I'd try and bring out their more lustrous side
If you were struck blind,
I'd sit and read to you most every night
If you were deaf and mute,
I'd just stay in the house and look at you.
If you called me and said Anthony,
I've got to leave, and don't go chasing me,
I'd live in stoic, heavy calm
but I could never write another song
about loving somebody,
honestly