Feed The Children
Brian Haner

If I had just one wish, I'd feed the starving children,

with something bland at first like rice, so they can hold it down

Soon they'd develop a tolerance

for western culture

and they'd be demanding happy meals with gender appropriate toys


But if you give a man a fish, he eats for just one day,

but if you teach that man to fish, he eats for a lifetime


But fishing is just a metaphor; there are many ways to find food:

Like farming, and hunting, that's it!

Hunting...


Arm the children,

Give them guns


Believe me; they'll eat one way or another


In Africa they could shoot gazelles

In Chicago they could rob a 7/11 for a microwave burrito,

and let's be honest, stolen burrito just tastes better

than the kind you buy with cash; those are for suckers...


(guitar solo)


If I had a second wish I'd take all the animals off the endangered species list

so we could eat them

I know it sounds insane, but hear me out:

A chicken's not endangered and neither is a cow,

coincidence? Perhaps…

But I don't think so

If a 'whopper' was made with whale meat, we'd be growing them for food


If we change the way we order at our favourite restaurants

I'll have a manatee supreme and a Hooters hot spotted-owl wings


Arm the children, eat the whales

It's the only way mankind will survive


Would you rather feel like the French and live on snails?

I don't mean to be dramatic but I'll rather gauge my eyes out with a spoon



I have a third wish; Nuke the French,

With their hairy backs and five-o-clock shadow and those are just the women

They never bathe or wash their filthy hair

Let's arm those hungry, pissed off kids and send them there


la la la la


Arm the children, eat the whales and nuke the French


Everybody sing

La la la la

Oh yeah


Arm the children, eat the whales and nuke the French


(Help us treat the little babies?)


la la la la

Oh you, oh you've got to

Arm the children, eat the whales and nuke the French


Kill the French,

Kill the French,

Kill the French


la la la la


They've been begging for it


Arm the children, eat the whales and nuke the French

Nuke the French


The French

Nuke the French


French


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Lyrics by Brian Haner

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