No Pain, No Problem
Eddie From Ohio

A spider of bungee cords holds down your life

on the roof of your AMC rambler

heading out west to less oil pastures

like the fields that you see on the postcards

that say wish you were here, but since you are there you just take these folks at their word

when you move there, there's nobody there

except a Walmart and three yogurt places


Chorus:

No pain, no problem

I don't need a kick in the rear

No pain over yonder

That means there's no problem here


A network of welcomers

all want your business

because your new phone number's listed

but they wait to call

until you have supper

and they even know you by your first name

they say glad that you're here now give us your visa

you just take these folks at their word

so you unload your problems while eating your yogurt

until you hear a dialtone


No pain, no problem

a montra that rains in my ear

No pain over yonder

That means there's no problem here


A lifetime of bunckles, a trophy for spelling

some art that blew up in the kiln

it's glued back together with elmers and tears

it holds the pencils and looks like your uncle

the yearbook from eigth grade

and your old retainer

and a slide whistle shaped like an ostrich

then a thousand odd notes that share the same box

all spill out like guts on the highway


you'd think that the sound of cord modulation

creates this illusion of hope

the end must be happy, the end must be near

but that's not the case we have here

sometimes we change, and sometimes we don't

where there's a will there's a won't

so let's have 3 cheers for our status quo


No pain, no problem

we need to work on our cheer

no pain over yonder

that means there's no problem here


that means there's no problem here


no pain no problem


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Lyrics by Eddie From Ohio

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