You Need an Analyst
Allan Sherman

If you're always stealing goodies from a big department store

You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst

If your pocket's full of little things you've never owned before

You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst


If somebody says, Good Morning and politely tips his hat

And you frown and say, I wonder what he really meant by that

If you're walking down the sidewalk and you won't step on a crack

You're afraid if you step on a crack, you'll break your mother's back


If you're at the philharmonic and you start to do the twist

You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst

You need an analyst, you need an analyst

We really must insist that you see an analyst


If you're freezing or you're sweating from imaginary ills

You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst

If it takes an IBM machine to classify your pills

You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst


If you tiptoe into bed and you're as quiet as a mouse

But the bed you tiptoe into is in someone else's house

If you have a brand new raincoat and of it you're very fond

In fact, you'd rather be alone with it than with a blond


If you wear your wristwatch on your feet and stockings on your wrist

You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst

You need an analyst, you need an analyst

We really must insist that you see an analyst


If you're always tearing paper into teeny weeny bits

You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst

If you've got a secret closet full of pomegranate pits

You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst


If they ask you what your name is and you answer Bonaparte

If you dig those daffy doodles that are known as modern art

If you're walking down the street and then you stop to tie your shoes

And you tie them to each other as you hum Saint Louis blues


Or if you're forty-six years old and never have been kissed

Go kiss an analyst, a psychoanalyst

Go kiss an analyst, go kiss an analyst

We really must insist that you kiss an analyst


If you're always having arguments when no one else is there

You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst

And whenever you are angry, if you kick your teddy bear

You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst


If you dream you've got a purple dragon next to you in bed

And you wake up and your dragon isn't purple, it is red

If you eat those little prizes and you save the crackerjacks

If you really think they're ever gonna cut the income tax


You need an analyst

You need, I need

He needs, we need

Everybody needs an analyst


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Lyrics by Allan Sherman

  \   A Few Words About The Chinese New Year   A Song Written By Elizabeth Taylor   A Waste Of Money   Al 'N Yetta   Al N' Yetta   America's a Nice Italian Name   America's a Nice Italian Name   America's A Nice Italian Name   An Average Song   Around The World   Around The World (Parody Of Around The World In 8 ...   Automation   Barry Is The Baby's Name   Beautiful Teamsters   Bye Bye Blumberg   Call Me   Change Partners   Chim Chim Cheree   Choped Liver (Parody Of Moon River)   Crazy Downtown   Dodgin' The Draft   Down The Drain   Eight Foot Two, Solid Blue   Frank Cooper   Go to Sleep, Paul Revere!   Good Advice   Green Stamps   Grow, Mrs. Goldfarb   Hail to Thee, Fat Person   Harvey & Sheila   Harvey and Sheila   Headaches   Headaches (Childish Remarks By Tom Greenleigh)   Hello Muddah - Nevada Style   Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah   Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah (A Letter from Camp)   Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah (A Letter from Camp)   Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah (A Letter from Camp)   Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah (A Letter from Camp)   Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh (A Letter From Camp)   Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh! (a Letter From Camp)   Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh! (A Letter from Camp) [...   Here's To The Crabgrass   Holiday for States   How Are Things With Uncle Morris (Parody Of How Ar...   How Deep Is A Birdbath (Parody Of How Deep Is The ...   How Van Nuys Got Its Name   Hungarian Goulash No. 5   I Can't Dance   I See Bones   If I Could Play Piano   If I Were A Tishman   In Which I Finally Admit That I Won World War II S...   It's a Most Unusual Play   It's a Most Unusual Play   It's a Most Unusual Play   It's a Most Unusual Play   J C Cohen   J. C. Cohen   J.C. Cohen   Jump Down, Spin Around (Pick a Dress o' Cotton)   Jump Down, Spin Around (Pick a Dress o' Cotton)   Jump Down, Spin Around (Pick a Dress o' Cotton)   Jump Down, Spin Around (Pick a Dress o' Cotton)   Kiss Of Myer   Little Butterball   Lotsa Luck   Me   Mexican Hat Dance   Mononucleosis   My Aunt Minnie   My Son, the Vampire   My Son, the Vampire [Single Version]   My Zelda   Night and Day (With Punctuation Marks)   No One's Perfect   No One's Perfect   No One's Perfect   No One's Perfect   Oh Boy   Ollawood!   Ollawoot (Parody Of Camelot)   One For My Sadie (And One For Two Cents Plain) (Pa...   One Hippopotami   Overweight People   Peyton Place, U.S.A.   Pills   Plan Ahead   Pop Hates the Beatles   Rat Fink   Return to Camp Granada   Ride Of Paul Revere   Sam You Made the Pants Too Long   Sarah Jackman   Scotch And/Or Water   Second Hand Nose   Secret Code   Seltzer Boy   Seventy-Six Sol Cohens   Shake Hands With Your Uncle Max   Shine On Harvey Bloom   Shine on, Harvey Bloom   Shticks and Stones   Shticks Of One And Half A Dozen Of The Other   Signs   Sir Greenbaum's Madrigal   Sir Greenbaum's Madrigal   Sir Greenbaum's Madrigal   Sir Greenbaum's Madrigal   Skin   Small World   Smog Gets In Your Eyes   Sorry 'Bout That   Spanish Flea   Strange Things In My Soup   Streets Of Miami   Sue Me (feat. Debbie Reynolds)   Taking Lessons   That Old Back Scratcher   The Ballad Of Harry Lewis   The Bronx Bird Watcher   The Drinking Man's Diet   The Drop-Outs March   The Laarge Daark Aardvark Song   The Learner's Brassiere   The Let's All Call Up AT And T And Protest To The ...   The Painless Dentist Song   The Rebel   The Streets Of Miami   The Twelve Days Of Christmas   The Twelve Gifts of Christmas   There Is Nothing Like A Lox   There's a New Kid in Town   There's No Governor Like Our New Governor   There's No Governor Like Our New Governor   There's No Governor Like Our New Governor   Togetherness   Turn Back the Clock   Warning To Those Who Have A Low Threshold Of Sex   Westchester Hadassah   When I Was a Lad   When You Walk Through The Bronx   Won't You Come Home, Disraeli   You Went The Wrong Way, Old King Louie   You're Getting to Be a Rabbit With Me   You’re The Top   Younger Than Springstein (Parody Of Younger Than S...   Your Mother's Here To Stay

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