If you're always stealing goodies from a big department storeYou need an analyst, a psychoanalystIf your pocket's full of little things you've never owned beforeYou need an analyst, a psychoanalystIf somebody says, Good Morning and politely tips his hatAnd you frown and say, I wonder what he really meant by thatIf you're walking down the sidewalk and you won't step on a crackYou're afraid if you step on a crack, you'll break your mother's backIf you're at the philharmonic and you start to do the twistYou need an analyst, a psychoanalystYou need an analyst, you need an analystWe really must insist that you see an analystIf you're freezing or you're sweating from imaginary illsYou need an analyst, a psychoanalystIf it takes an IBM machine to classify your pillsYou need an analyst, a psychoanalystIf you tiptoe into bed and you're as quiet as a mouseBut the bed you tiptoe into is in someone else's houseIf you have a brand new raincoat and of it you're very fondIn fact, you'd rather be alone with it than with a blondIf you wear your wristwatch on your feet and stockings on your wristYou need an analyst, a psychoanalystYou need an analyst, you need an analystWe really must insist that you see an analystIf you're always tearing paper into teeny weeny bitsYou need an analyst, a psychoanalystIf you've got a secret closet full of pomegranate pitsYou need an analyst, a psychoanalystIf they ask you what your name is and you answer BonaparteIf you dig those daffy doodles that are known as modern artIf you're walking down the street and then you stop to tie your shoesAnd you tie them to each other as you hum Saint Louis bluesOr if you're forty-six years old and never have been kissedGo kiss an analyst, a psychoanalystGo kiss an analyst, go kiss an analystWe really must insist that you kiss an analystIf you're always having arguments when no one else is thereYou need an analyst, a psychoanalystAnd whenever you are angry, if you kick your teddy bearYou need an analyst, a psychoanalystIf you dream you've got a purple dragon next to you in bedAnd you wake up and your dragon isn't purple, it is redIf you eat those little prizes and you save the crackerjacksIf you really think they're ever gonna cut the income taxYou need an analystYou need, I needHe needs, we needEverybody needs an analyst
Lyrics by Allan Sherman
\ A Few Words About The Chinese New Year A Song Written By Elizabeth Taylor A Waste Of Money Al 'N Yetta Al N' Yetta America's a Nice Italian Name America's a Nice Italian Name America's A Nice Italian Name An Average Song Around The World Around The World (Parody Of Around The World In 8 ... Automation Barry Is The Baby's Name Beautiful Teamsters Bye Bye Blumberg Call Me Change Partners Chim Chim Cheree Choped Liver (Parody Of Moon River) Crazy Downtown Dodgin' The Draft Down The Drain Eight Foot Two, Solid Blue Frank Cooper Go to Sleep, Paul Revere! Good Advice Green Stamps Grow, Mrs. Goldfarb Hail to Thee, Fat Person Harvey & Sheila Harvey and Sheila Headaches Headaches (Childish Remarks By Tom Greenleigh) Hello Muddah - Nevada Style Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah (A Letter from Camp) Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah (A Letter from Camp) Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah (A Letter from Camp) Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah (A Letter from Camp) Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh (A Letter From Camp) Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh! (a Letter From Camp) Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh! (A Letter from Camp) [... Here's To The Crabgrass Holiday for States How Are Things With Uncle Morris (Parody Of How Ar... How Deep Is A Birdbath (Parody Of How Deep Is The ... How Van Nuys Got Its Name Hungarian Goulash No. 5 I Can't Dance I See Bones If I Could Play Piano If I Were A Tishman In Which I Finally Admit That I Won World War II S... It's a Most Unusual Play It's a Most Unusual Play It's a Most Unusual Play It's a Most Unusual Play J C Cohen J. C. Cohen J.C. Cohen Jump Down, Spin Around (Pick a Dress o' Cotton) Jump Down, Spin Around (Pick a Dress o' Cotton) Jump Down, Spin Around (Pick a Dress o' Cotton) Jump Down, Spin Around (Pick a Dress o' Cotton) Kiss Of Myer Little Butterball Lotsa Luck Me Mexican Hat Dance Mononucleosis My Aunt Minnie My Son, the Vampire My Son, the Vampire [Single Version] My Zelda Night and Day (With Punctuation Marks) No One's Perfect No One's Perfect No One's Perfect No One's Perfect Oh Boy Ollawood! Ollawoot (Parody Of Camelot) One For My Sadie (And One For Two Cents Plain) (Pa... One Hippopotami Overweight People Peyton Place, U.S.A. Pills Plan Ahead Pop Hates the Beatles Rat Fink Return to Camp Granada Ride Of Paul Revere Sam You Made the Pants Too Long Sarah Jackman Scotch And/Or Water Second Hand Nose Secret Code Seltzer Boy Seventy-Six Sol Cohens Shake Hands With Your Uncle Max Shine On Harvey Bloom Shine on, Harvey Bloom Shticks and Stones Shticks Of One And Half A Dozen Of The Other Signs Sir Greenbaum's Madrigal Sir Greenbaum's Madrigal Sir Greenbaum's Madrigal Sir Greenbaum's Madrigal Skin Small World Smog Gets In Your Eyes Sorry 'Bout That Spanish Flea Strange Things In My Soup Streets Of Miami Sue Me (feat. Debbie Reynolds) Taking Lessons That Old Back Scratcher The Ballad Of Harry Lewis The Bronx Bird Watcher The Drinking Man's Diet The Drop-Outs March The Laarge Daark Aardvark Song The Learner's Brassiere The Let's All Call Up AT And T And Protest To The ... The Painless Dentist Song The Rebel The Streets Of Miami The Twelve Days Of Christmas The Twelve Gifts of Christmas There Is Nothing Like A Lox There's a New Kid in Town There's No Governor Like Our New Governor There's No Governor Like Our New Governor There's No Governor Like Our New Governor Togetherness Turn Back the Clock Warning To Those Who Have A Low Threshold Of Sex Westchester Hadassah When I Was a Lad When You Walk Through The Bronx Won't You Come Home, Disraeli You Went The Wrong Way, Old King Louie You're Getting to Be a Rabbit With Me You’re The Top Younger Than Springstein (Parody Of Younger Than S... Your Mother's Here To Stay