One Jack Off
Cledus T. Judd

Every Friday night I go to bubba's hardware store
and give the secret knock on the private stockroom door
good ol' boys are shootin craps playin' five card stud
hot lookin' women
ice cold suds
this blonde was playin' poker
she was on a roll
I sat down beside her with my ace in the hole
I had to draw a jack to win
with a stright ace high
but win I drew that card
I kissed that pot goodbye

cause Im one jack off
here in my hand
I got an ace, a king, a queen, and a ten and
now Im in a jam
I was doin' fine till I pulled that nine
thats win I went soft
I was temptin fate with an ace high stright
but Im one jack off

Ive played with this deck so long its messin' with my mind
Ive heard it said to much of this it can make a man go blind
I can't let her beat me but I aint got a prayer
Im sure shes got a real good hand
I see shes got a pair
I stared accross the table
hopin' that she calls
then when she raised me
well I dang near lost it all
I tried to pull it out figurin' Id bluff
but win I showed her what I had
she said to bad your one jack off

Im just one jack off
aint that great
she said nice try but nine, ten, queen, king, ace dont make a stright
I said how about another round
she said adie up there hoss
she took all my money
and Im still one jack off

Im one jack off
just my luck
she won my favorite pair of cowboy boots
and the pink slip to my truck
I knew Id have to come again next week
to get back what I lost
thats the story of my life
its seems Im always one jack off

thats right

one jack off


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Lyrics by Cledus T. Judd

  (If I Had) Kellie Pickler's Boobs   (She's Got A Butt) Bigger Than The Beatles   1-900-Sheila   1/2   104 Amanda Street   270 Somethin'   A Night I Can't Remember   All I Want For Christmas Is Two Gold Front Teef   Bake Me A Country Ham   Breath   Breath [Multimedia Track]   Cadirac Style   Christ-Mas   Christ-Mas [*][Multimedia Track]   Christmas In Rehab   Cledus Don't Stop Eatin' for Nuthin'   Cledus T.   Cledus the Karaoke King   Cledus Went Down To Florida   Cledus' Christmas Ball   Cooter   Coronary Life   Dang It, I'm Vixen   Did I Shave My Back for This   Did I Shave My Back for This?   Don't Mess With America   Don't Serve Beans   Double D Cups   Every Bulb in the House Is Blown   Every Light In The House Is Blown   Feel Like A Pawn Star   First Redneck On The Internet   Garth Must Be Busy   Gone Funky (Parody "Gone Country" - Alan Jackson)   Gone Funky (Parody of Gone Country by Alan Jackson...   Goodbye Squirrel   Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer   Grandpa Got Runned Over By A John Deere (Bonus Tra...   Hankenstein   Hazel's Homemade Hallelujah Punch   Hell No   Hillbilly Honeymoon   Hip Hop and Honky Tonk   How Do You Milk a Cow   I Love Nascar   I Was Country When Country Wasn't Pop   I'm Going Ugly Early Tonight   I'm Not In Here For Love (Just Yer Beer)   If George Strait Starts Dancin'   If Shania Was Mine   If Shania Was Mine (Parody "Any Man Of Mine" - Sha...   If Shania Was Mine [*][Multimedia Track]   If This Is Country Music   In Another Size   Indian In-Laws   It's A Great Day To Be A Guy   It's A Great Day To Be A Guy (Parody "It's A Great...   Jackson (Alan That Is)   Just Another Day In Paradise   Just Another Day In Parodies   Katie Bar The Door   Leave You Laughin'   Let's Burn One   Let's Shoot Dove   Livin' Like John Travolta   Man Of Constant Borrow   Martie, Emily & Natalie   Martie, Emily & Natalie (The Continuing Saga Of)   Merger On Music Row   Merry Christmas From The Whole Fam Damily   Merry Christmas From the Whole Fam Damily [*]   Mindy McCready   More Beaver   Motel Californie   My Cellmate Thinks I'm Sexy   My Cellmate Thinks I'm Sexy (Parody 'She Thinks My...   My Crowd   My Voice   Natalie   New Car   Only 364 Shopping Days 'Til Christmas   Paycheck Woman   Please Take The Girl   Please Take The Girl (Parody "Don't Take The Girl...   Plowboy   Polyrically Uncorrect   Psychic to the Stars   Quit Teasin' Me Ed   Refried Beans   Ricky Tidwell's Mama Is Gonna Play Football   Riding With Inmate Jerome   Santa Claus Is Watchin' You   Shade Tree Mechanic   Shania I'm Broke   She's Inflatable   Starkissed   Stephon The Alternative Lifestyle Reindeer   Stinkin' Problem   Stoled: The Copyright Infringement Incidnent   Swingin'   The Change   The Grundy County Spitting Incident   The House That Broke Me   Third Rock from Her Thumb   Third Rock From Her Thumb (Parody "Third Rock From...   Third Rock From Her Thumb (Parody of Third Rock Fr...   Tree's On Fire   Waitin' On Obama   Washing Airplanes   We Own The World   What the *$@# Did You Say   What the xxxx Did You Say   Where the Grass Don't Grow   Where's Your Mommy?   Wife Naggin'   Willie's Got A Big Deck   Wives Do It All the Time   Wives Do It All The Time (Parody "Girls Do It All ...   Wives Do It All The Time (Parody of Girls Do It Al...   You Have No Right To Remain Violent

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